Little Star's Realm
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Extra Challenge.
Before my colleague’s last day in the office, he sent an email stating a few lines for people he worked with and became friends. We weren’t actually that close but since he was seated beside me, he’s the one I kept on disturbing every time I have questions regarding our job. He has seen how I dealt with my work. How serious I am every time a job assignment was given to me.
He witnessed how I became a cry baby while under the adjustment stage but still he supported and encouraged me. I will choose to stand tall. I will choose to believe in myself. Not overconfident but someone who’s confident enough to show what I am really capable without restraint and dubiety. Since I am the only girl among the 5 artists, I wanted to prove that I will be able to do what the rest can do.
His message says that I should keep on learning. “Malayo ang mararating ng isang tulad mo.” Bear with me if I will take it seriously. But I would not take it as flattery. I will take it as an extra challenge.
Every person who read the email might have seen that part. Eventually they will forget it. But the challenge imparted on me will be continuous and neverending.
He witnessed how I became a cry baby while under the adjustment stage but still he supported and encouraged me. I will choose to stand tall. I will choose to believe in myself. Not overconfident but someone who’s confident enough to show what I am really capable without restraint and dubiety. Since I am the only girl among the 5 artists, I wanted to prove that I will be able to do what the rest can do.
His message says that I should keep on learning. “Malayo ang mararating ng isang tulad mo.” Bear with me if I will take it seriously. But I would not take it as flattery. I will take it as an extra challenge.
Every person who read the email might have seen that part. Eventually they will forget it. But the challenge imparted on me will be continuous and neverending.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Look Closely
Monday, January 21, 2008
Colorgenics Part2
I took the test for the second time... I'm not that addicted to this test, am I?
Name: li'l star
Date: Monday the 21st , January 2008
Colorgenics Number: 16520734
See yourself as others see you...
You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'.
Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.
All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.
You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.
You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.
Name: li'l star
Date: Monday the 21st , January 2008
Colorgenics Number: 16520734
See yourself as others see you...
You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'.
Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore 'why bother?' You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.
All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.
You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.
You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Colorgenics
Name: li’l star
Date: Sunday the 20th , January 2008
Colorgenics Number: 43152607
See yourself as others see you...
Your mind is never at rest.You are continually striving to influence all those about you. You have some excellent ideas but you persist in trying to persuade others just how great your ideas really are. Maybe you are trying too hard. Take it easy - remember, 'Everything comes to those who wait'.
You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!
You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.
All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.
You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.
Try it! :-)
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Connect the Dots
I decided to make new blogsites for my different interests...
Cradle of Lucidity: Every beat and every line that brings back my sanity.
Box of Crayons: The artsy smarty sanctuary.
Yellowburst: Literary ambiguity. Go read between the lines.
Little Star's Realm is just a glimpse of my world. It's all about my different experiences, the people I encounter, new learnings, angsts, anxieties, joys, achievements and everything that is related with my emotions.
Go on. Connect the dots...
Cradle of Lucidity: Every beat and every line that brings back my sanity.
Box of Crayons: The artsy smarty sanctuary.
Yellowburst: Literary ambiguity. Go read between the lines.
Little Star's Realm is just a glimpse of my world. It's all about my different experiences, the people I encounter, new learnings, angsts, anxieties, joys, achievements and everything that is related with my emotions.
Go on. Connect the dots...
Friday, January 18, 2008
Vertigo
Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves. (Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being)
Milan Kundera might have defined it differently but I still think and consider it as a fear of falling. Today, I have this feeling of terrible emptiness inside me. You know me, I take things seriously. Even my work. For the second time, in just three months, I can’t believe that I screwed up with my work. I committed a mistake that I definitely could admit that it was my own fault and nobody else to blame. I happened to be so comfortable with my former work. So comfortable and used to the kind of work, I didn’t make major errors. But it’s really different now. There’s no second chance and you have to give your best shot to whatever you’re doing or whatever task is given to you. I am scared of committing mistake but I am still new to this job. I wanted to prove myself as a good artist. But how can I do that if I’m prone to committing another mistake?
I just wish I could learn enough without suffering from vertigo…
Optimism…shield me. Engulf me. I need you so I won’t lose my confidence.
Milan Kundera might have defined it differently but I still think and consider it as a fear of falling. Today, I have this feeling of terrible emptiness inside me. You know me, I take things seriously. Even my work. For the second time, in just three months, I can’t believe that I screwed up with my work. I committed a mistake that I definitely could admit that it was my own fault and nobody else to blame. I happened to be so comfortable with my former work. So comfortable and used to the kind of work, I didn’t make major errors. But it’s really different now. There’s no second chance and you have to give your best shot to whatever you’re doing or whatever task is given to you. I am scared of committing mistake but I am still new to this job. I wanted to prove myself as a good artist. But how can I do that if I’m prone to committing another mistake?
I just wish I could learn enough without suffering from vertigo…
Optimism…shield me. Engulf me. I need you so I won’t lose my confidence.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Don't
Don't ever tell anybody anything.
If you do, you start missing everybody.
-Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye)
Weird
Sadness can make you brainsick. Tormented by million of irrelevant things to do and one of them is spending too much just to alter your mood. So instead of buying new clothes, eating in a fancy restaurant or disturbing my close friends, I decided to buy 2 good books that will inspire and make me laugh. I am trying to divert my attention to other things. I need to forget the zahir...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Paranoia
I have a confession to make...
I really have this paranoia.
I am scared of monsters. Not monsters like the boogeyman used for scaring children. Not Harpy- the Greek mythology vicious winged monster; often depicted as a bird with the head of a woman or Chimera, the Greek mythology fire-breathing female monster with a lion's head and a goat's body and a serpent's tail.
I am scared of the monsters that talk behind people's back.
I am so scared to be the victim.
Because I know that even if you tend to be so nice...there would come a time that people would crudely bash you unmercifully...
...behind your back.
Or I am just getting so paranoid?
I really have this paranoia.
I am scared of monsters. Not monsters like the boogeyman used for scaring children. Not Harpy- the Greek mythology vicious winged monster; often depicted as a bird with the head of a woman or Chimera, the Greek mythology fire-breathing female monster with a lion's head and a goat's body and a serpent's tail.
I am scared of the monsters that talk behind people's back.
I am so scared to be the victim.
Because I know that even if you tend to be so nice...there would come a time that people would crudely bash you unmercifully...
...behind your back.
Or I am just getting so paranoid?
Flameproof...
...no more.
I would like to use again this quote from Jessica Zafra's book, Chicken Pox for the Soul:
"Many people do not know the difference between speaking and babbling. Most people would be better off shutting up."
When you start hearing nonsense blabbery, or if it's something about you, you start getting pissed off but you just don't want to talk because you think it would be so pointless if you start to argue or say anything...
I sometimes wish that my ears would mute automatically with the things that I don't want to hear.
But then again, it would be so impossible.
So I would just have to wish that they'd just shut up...
I would like to use again this quote from Jessica Zafra's book, Chicken Pox for the Soul:
"Many people do not know the difference between speaking and babbling. Most people would be better off shutting up."
When you start hearing nonsense blabbery, or if it's something about you, you start getting pissed off but you just don't want to talk because you think it would be so pointless if you start to argue or say anything...
I sometimes wish that my ears would mute automatically with the things that I don't want to hear.
But then again, it would be so impossible.
So I would just have to wish that they'd just shut up...
Monday, January 07, 2008
Zahir and Acomodador
Last year, I read the book Zahir by Paulo Coelho. Let me give you the meaning of zahir based on the book:
Accdg. to the writer Jorge Luis Borges, the idea of the ZAHIR comes from Islamic tradition and is thought to have arisen at some point in the eighteenth century Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness. -Fauborg Saint-Peres Encyclopedia of the Fantastic (1953)
And what does acomodador means?
From Magical Practices in North Mexico, ACOMODADOR or giving up point, means that there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappointment in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occurred.
I have come to realize that at one point in our lives, we get to encounter the Zahir that makes everything very complicated. We get to experience so much pain and causes us to do several sacrifices just to attain that one thing /desire that occupies our every thought.
Accdg. to the writer Jorge Luis Borges, the idea of the ZAHIR comes from Islamic tradition and is thought to have arisen at some point in the eighteenth century Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness. -Fauborg Saint-Peres Encyclopedia of the Fantastic (1953)
And what does acomodador means?
From Magical Practices in North Mexico, ACOMODADOR or giving up point, means that there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappointment in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occurred.
I have come to realize that at one point in our lives, we get to encounter the Zahir that makes everything very complicated. We get to experience so much pain and causes us to do several sacrifices just to attain that one thing /desire that occupies our every thought.
When should we stop the acomodador? When is the right time to move on? Do we still have to remain static and undecided, even if we're feeling so much taken for granted? Scarred? Unwanted and forgotten?
Or should we review our whole life and contemplate how it all started?
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Almost Forgotten
Last Annual Bookfair at the Megatrade Center, this little book caught my attention and my other former officemates. We all end up asking several questions and laughing after we have read the answers from the book. I no longer want to leave it but I don't have money to buy that time so I said to myself that i'll purchase it some other time.
But the idea was just forgotten.
Now I remember that I should have included this in my christmas wishlist.
Well, I still want to have this book.
Hopefully I'll have this one, soon.
(Before I slip into my state of oblivion again. ha!ha!ha!)
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
A Text Message for...
PATHETIC people like...
...ME.
It's wiser
not to expect
but to hope...
For in expecting,
we ask for
disappointments.
Whereas
in hoping,
we invite
miracles.
...ME.
It's wiser
not to expect
but to hope...
For in expecting,
we ask for
disappointments.
Whereas
in hoping,
we invite
miracles.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Hello 2008!
Hello 2008! This is the first tuesday of the year. I am welcoming you with a heart full of hope for the new blessings that would come.
Among the text messages that I received since December 31, 2007 from friends, this is my favorite and I want to share it with you guys who are continously one with my journey.
A text from Shine...
New year is God's way of saying: "One more time...Live life...Make a difference...Touch one heart...Encourage one mind...and inspire one soul." Happy New Year!
The text is full of optimism and encouragement
Among the text messages that I received since December 31, 2007 from friends, this is my favorite and I want to share it with you guys who are continously one with my journey.
A text from Shine...
New year is God's way of saying: "One more time...Live life...Make a difference...Touch one heart...Encourage one mind...and inspire one soul." Happy New Year!
The text is full of optimism and encouragement
