Little Star's Realm
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Meet Rap...
...my laptop.
It is one of my precious possessions now. Not because I have waited for years to have this one but because it was given to me by my dad as pasalubong when he got home. I got this Fujitsu-Siemens laptop last September and eventually got hooked with it. I can’t believe my dad became so techy and he bought me one. What’s so cool about it is I never asked him to buy me because I know it would cost that much. I was hoping I could buy someday out of my savings but because I am such a spendthrift, I am so sure I won’t be able to purchase a laptop of my own.
I just realized that time flies so fast. How I have grown up and my needs were not as simple as before. I can still remember every time my dad comes home, I instantly receive colorful ballpens, signpens and markers as pasalubong. He knew that giving me those stuffs could already make me so happy. He knew exactly what I wanted. I never asked for anything. Because I would always tell him that I wanted him to go home. It was so simple then. He might have thought that I would no longer appreciate those stuffs but what he doesn’t know is I really don’t care whether he has something for me. Like what I have said before, I’m a papa’s girl and I miss his presence. I’m always looking forward to the day he would arrive. Two years of longing then only 2 months are spent with him. Nevertheless, he is determined to travel abroad until he has the vigor to work. How I wish he would be able to spend more time with us and just stay here but I know that he’s still willing to sacrifice and continue being a good provider. As for now, I could not do anything to convince him to stay. All I can do is take good care of Rap as a motion of my gratitude. Thanks to dad for giving me Rap.
Friday, October 26, 2007
So Many Books...So Little Time. (*sigh*)
Yesterday,I bought a new book... "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera. It's a symbolical novel with philosophical discussion of "lightness" versus "heaviness". It's my first time to read a Kundera novel. Hopefully I'll have time to read this weekend...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Big Girls Don't Cry
When excitement and curiosity are all gone, you begin to miss the people you left behind. You subsequently evoke the significant memories of the past and deliberately remember the almost implausible routine you get accustomed to. You will discover that excitement and curiosity are also fleeting. And I just did. I am too old and naive not to foresee this inevitable effect. Too late for me to come up with such realizations. Too soon for me to feel homesickness because I have left my comfort zone. The place I used to consider my second home. My former workplace. Perhaps people will not believe me for considering it as one but it is true. It has become a vital arena of my endeavors because that place has given me the chance to meet important people who have touched and influenced my life. People I have regarded as my inspiration, source of confidence and happiness. Why? Because the kind of friendship I have were undoubtedly sincere and candid. And even before I finally decided to leave…some people explicitly told me how much they're going to miss my presence which makes me very nostalgic & longing in every mention of that place. They could have become closer to me if I just stayed. Moreover, that place molded me as an artist when I started with less experience and has brought me where I am now.
Where am I now? I honestly don’t know. I can not see anything on the horizon. I gambled and took the risk of entering a new world. Before, I used to tell myself that this is what I want. I really wanted to enter that world but when I got in, I started to question myself. Is this what I really want? Would this really make me happy and satisfied? I just can’t give any answer. For how long I will wander in obscurity…I really have no idea.
This is my latest post for almost two months. Barely two months of mixed emotions that’s why I cannot compose a very sensible statement of my present state. Now I wanted to recall what I wrote 4 years ago when I posted on my first journal the struggles upon entering into a new world. Questions on how I can prove myself as an artist. How I can improve my craft. How I can develop my creativity and show the world that I can survive in the ocean filled with fishes trying to find their niche.
I am undergoing the same dilemma again. People who knew me are aware that for some reasons, I do not easily open up. I do not easily get out of my shell. Again, this is a struggle I have to deal with myself. There’s no one to depend on. No one to ask for help because at this moment, in my present world… I still don’t know whom to trust. Will they pull me up? Or will they pull me down?
I am all by myself.
I have made the decision all by myself. No one else to blame and there is no turning back. Though there are bus rides and train rides that leave me teary-eyed while staring at the window and remembering all those hard habits to break. But I have to move on with my life because…big girls don’t cry.
Where am I now? I honestly don’t know. I can not see anything on the horizon. I gambled and took the risk of entering a new world. Before, I used to tell myself that this is what I want. I really wanted to enter that world but when I got in, I started to question myself. Is this what I really want? Would this really make me happy and satisfied? I just can’t give any answer. For how long I will wander in obscurity…I really have no idea.
This is my latest post for almost two months. Barely two months of mixed emotions that’s why I cannot compose a very sensible statement of my present state. Now I wanted to recall what I wrote 4 years ago when I posted on my first journal the struggles upon entering into a new world. Questions on how I can prove myself as an artist. How I can improve my craft. How I can develop my creativity and show the world that I can survive in the ocean filled with fishes trying to find their niche.
I am undergoing the same dilemma again. People who knew me are aware that for some reasons, I do not easily open up. I do not easily get out of my shell. Again, this is a struggle I have to deal with myself. There’s no one to depend on. No one to ask for help because at this moment, in my present world… I still don’t know whom to trust. Will they pull me up? Or will they pull me down?
I am all by myself.
I have made the decision all by myself. No one else to blame and there is no turning back. Though there are bus rides and train rides that leave me teary-eyed while staring at the window and remembering all those hard habits to break. But I have to move on with my life because…big girls don’t cry.
