Little Star's Realm
Friday, January 18, 2008
Vertigo
Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves. (Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being)
Milan Kundera might have defined it differently but I still think and consider it as a fear of falling. Today, I have this feeling of terrible emptiness inside me. You know me, I take things seriously. Even my work. For the second time, in just three months, I can’t believe that I screwed up with my work. I committed a mistake that I definitely could admit that it was my own fault and nobody else to blame. I happened to be so comfortable with my former work. So comfortable and used to the kind of work, I didn’t make major errors. But it’s really different now. There’s no second chance and you have to give your best shot to whatever you’re doing or whatever task is given to you. I am scared of committing mistake but I am still new to this job. I wanted to prove myself as a good artist. But how can I do that if I’m prone to committing another mistake?
I just wish I could learn enough without suffering from vertigo…
Optimism…shield me. Engulf me. I need you so I won’t lose my confidence.
Milan Kundera might have defined it differently but I still think and consider it as a fear of falling. Today, I have this feeling of terrible emptiness inside me. You know me, I take things seriously. Even my work. For the second time, in just three months, I can’t believe that I screwed up with my work. I committed a mistake that I definitely could admit that it was my own fault and nobody else to blame. I happened to be so comfortable with my former work. So comfortable and used to the kind of work, I didn’t make major errors. But it’s really different now. There’s no second chance and you have to give your best shot to whatever you’re doing or whatever task is given to you. I am scared of committing mistake but I am still new to this job. I wanted to prove myself as a good artist. But how can I do that if I’m prone to committing another mistake?
I just wish I could learn enough without suffering from vertigo…
Optimism…shield me. Engulf me. I need you so I won’t lose my confidence.
posted by li'l star at 7:17 PM
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